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Sexual Intimacy & Orgasm:  What's Love Got To Do With It?


Sex serves many purposes, one of which is emotional bonding.


Emotional Bonding



Emotional Regulation: 

  • Emotional Disconnection from Self (from one's own

  • Disconnection from Other's (isolating self & objectifying

  • Pseudo Intimacy (momentary fantasy of being connected:
    loved &/or desired)


Primary Myth:  sex is always about pleasure and orgasm


Secondary Myth:  sex is always about an underlying desire for connection and emotional bonding



  • There is not one right way to enjoy sexual pleasure and experience sexual fulfillment

  • Subscribing to one-size fits all, with regards to sex, actually interferes with people's ability to create true sexual and emotional intimacy          

For Example:

  1. For some people, emotional bonding is not necessary for sexual fulfillment

  2. For some people, orgasm is not always necessary for sexual fulfillment


  • Sex is ALWAYS about attachment needs

  • Sex serves an attachment strategy to meet attachment needs, but the way sex is used to meet attachment needs depends on the person's attachment style:


Different ways people use sex as a means to address their attachment needs & longings INCLUDE:

  1. Connecting with their own and others to create, deepen, &/or heal an emotional bond

  2. Disconnecting from their own & others' attachment needs & longings to:                                                                               * Focusing on own pleasure, reassuring self of desirability...disconnecting from other to maintain power against own needs for connection......protect themselves against the risk of pain inherent in "needing" connection                             * Focusing on pleasing partner in attempt to keep partner connected

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