Couples Intimacy

Sexual Intimacy & Orgasm:  What's Love Got To Do With It?

 

Sex serves many purposes, one of which is emotional bonding.

 

Emotional Bonding

Pleasure

Procreation

Emotional Regulation: 

• Emotional Disconnection from Self (from one's own
  emotions)

• Disconnection from Other's (isolating self & objectifying
  others)

• Pseudo Intimacy (momentary fantasy of being connected:
  loved &/or desired)

 

Primary Myth:  sex is always about pleasure and orgasm

 

Secondary Myth:  sex is always about an underlying desire for connection and emotional bonding

 

Reality:

• There is not one right way to enjoy sexual pleasure and experience sexual fulfillment

• Subscribing to one-size fits all, with regards to sex, actually interferes with people's ability to create true sexual and emotional intimacy          
                                                                                                               

For Example:

1. For some people, emotional bonding is not necessary for sexual fulfillment

2. For some people, orgasm is not always necessary for sexual fulfillment
    

HOWEVER:

• Sex is ALWAYS about attachment needs

• Sex serves an attachment strategy to meet attachment needs, but the way sex is used to meet attachment needs depends on the person's attachment style:

 

Different ways people use sex as a means to address their attachment needs & longings INCLUDE:

1. Connecting with their own and others to create, deepen, &/or heal an emotional bond

2. Disconnecting from their own & others' attachment needs & longings to:                                                                               * Focusing on own pleasure, reassuring self of desirability...disconnecting from other to maintain power against own needs for connection......protect themselves against the risk of pain inherent in "needing" connection                             * Focusing on pleasing partner in attempt to keep partner connected