Sexual Intimacy & Orgasm:  What's Love Got To Do With It?

 

Sex serves many purposes, one of which is emotional bonding.

 

Emotional Bonding

Pleasure

Procreation

Emotional Regulation: 

  • Emotional Disconnection from Self (from one's own
    emotions)

  • Disconnection from Other's (isolating self & objectifying
    others)

  • Pseudo Intimacy (momentary fantasy of being connected:
    loved &/or desired)

 

Primary Myth:  sex is always about pleasure and orgasm

 

Secondary Myth:  sex is always about an underlying desire for connection and emotional bonding

 

Reality:

  • There is not one right way to enjoy sexual pleasure and experience sexual fulfillment

  • Subscribing to one-size fits all, with regards to sex, actually interferes with people's ability to create true sexual and emotional intimacy          
                                                                                                                 

For Example:

  1. For some people, emotional bonding is not necessary for sexual fulfillment

  2. For some people, orgasm is not always necessary for sexual fulfillment
     

HOWEVER:

  • Sex is ALWAYS about attachment needs

  • Sex serves an attachment strategy to meet attachment needs, but the way sex is used to meet attachment needs depends on the person's attachment style:

 

Different ways people use sex as a means to address their attachment needs & longings INCLUDE:

  1. Connecting with their own and others to create, deepen, &/or heal an emotional bond

  2. Disconnecting from their own & others' attachment needs & longings to:                                                                               * Focusing on own pleasure, reassuring self of desirability...disconnecting from other to maintain power against own needs for connection......protect themselves against the risk of pain inherent in "needing" connection                             * Focusing on pleasing partner in attempt to keep partner connected